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29 September 2010 @ 04:06 pm
Well, it's been more than a week and I'm continuing to move forward with with my newly-developed plans. I've disclosed the following already to some folks, but didn't generally want to talk about it. In a way I still don't, but typing it once will be easier than repeating it four thousand times.

It's been a summer of reflection and of examining my priorities and trajectory. It has lead me to two decisions. First, I have ended things with Mr S. There are many, many reasons - some of them seemingly minor, some of them more substantial, and it was the sum of the parts more than any one thing that led me to conclude this was not a situation wherein I would find long-term happiness. I don't think he's a bad person, I'm not angry with him, or wish him ill in any way - we are just not on the same path together. Considering his current situation, he will continue staying with me for awhile until he gets his own path sorted out. 

However, there will eventually be a deadline for his moving out since my second decision was to sell the house. I have realized that I bought the house with so many dreams and hopes... It was a critical part of my Life Plan at that time and I poured a lot of time and work and love into making it the home I dreamed of, a setting for that future. But that Life is not mine anymore and the trials and difficulties and heartbreaks of the intervening years have become associated with this place. It's still hard to give up on those early dreams - the first years here went so well, with excellent roommates and great hopes for the future. Sadly, that luck did not continue and now the balance has tipped toward the house being more of a burden than a joy.

I think that a change in venue will be good for me. And it will be a space for just me, no roommates, no explicit planned space for partners or children, just space for me to find my feet again. However, there have been good memories here too, and so the new place will still have a space for throwing parties, room for hosting guests, and facilities for crafting of all sorts. I'm thinking of a condo, since I don't really place a priority on the yard and outdoor space, other than wanting a few currant bushes or similar, and even that is negotiable. Anyway, a new space, a new adventure is what I think I need... I've been working hard at cleaning and purging and hope to have the house on the market within the week... let me know if you know of anyone in Madison looking for a four bedroom house that has been lovingly cared for and comes complete with whooshy tub and a truly amazing kitchen.

And so on we go...
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Uncle Mikeybelmikey on September 29th, 2010 09:31 pm (UTC)
None of this changes the fundamental fact of your ultimate awesomeness.

Just sayin'.
raventhourne on September 29th, 2010 09:35 pm (UTC)
I was wondering.

But yes, sometimes a change of scenery is good for you and having your own space is a good thing.
Petranellapetranella on September 29th, 2010 09:40 pm (UTC)
Good luck at the house selling. It can be frustrating so if you need to commiserate feel free to contact me. For everything else may you find happiness.
Kareinakareina on September 29th, 2010 09:41 pm (UTC)
May the changes in your life bring you much joy, both in the short term planing therof, and the long term living.

There is no shame in a relationship going their separate ways, and I wish you both the best of luck, and the ability to remain friends.
FencerTfencert on September 29th, 2010 10:10 pm (UTC)
Good luck with all of your next steps and your new venue.
Gwyneth: Longinggwyneth1362 on September 29th, 2010 10:14 pm (UTC)
Thinking fondly of you.
(Deleted comment)
cayswann: yellow-streakcayswann on September 29th, 2010 11:07 pm (UTC)
Come to Caid? Peer exchange program? *giggle*
DameJ: Moaidamej on September 29th, 2010 11:14 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry things didn't work out. Good luck with your house/condo search, and with selling your current place. Let me know if you ever want to talk about stuff, or if you just want someone to drink margaritas with.
Splott: Entropysplott on September 29th, 2010 11:58 pm (UTC)
I understand, and commend you for your strength in coming to these difficult decisions. I'm creeping along in the same general direction myself, life isn't quite where it was "supposed to" be... :/
Ursula: UrsulaTN08ursulagoddess on September 30th, 2010 12:59 am (UTC)
I am thinking positive thoughts for you and hope this transition will go well for you.
Roxelanaroxelana on September 30th, 2010 01:31 am (UTC)
All the best to you. If you need a place to hide, crash, or plant currant bushes - I'm here for you and there's a big bed in the guest room.
Aaron (Rusty) Lloydrustmon on September 30th, 2010 01:47 am (UTC)
love and hugs to you. *squish*
teffanteffan on September 30th, 2010 04:00 am (UTC)
Geez, now I'll have to update my address book *again*.....

Only 30 days til house of whiteness.
fibergeekfibergeek on September 30th, 2010 10:59 am (UTC)
*hugs* Hopefully all will go well with selling the house, and you'll enjoy the new change of scenery. :)
world_rim_walkeworld_rim_walke on September 30th, 2010 12:55 pm (UTC)
The Wayward house is going away? This is sad. If you leave Madison, you will be missed.
EllieSamelliesam on September 30th, 2010 01:37 pm (UTC)
Doing what's right for you is a good and brave thing.
reneekytokorpireneekytokorpi on October 1st, 2010 08:53 am (UTC)
Sometimes places get tied so tightly to memories you can't see how they are now and can only see what was.

Sometimes, that is good and supportive. Sometimes, it hurts too much.

Add stress, and a place ceases to be a refuge. :C
mightyjessemightyjesse on October 1st, 2010 01:43 pm (UTC)
Miss Em has kindly agreed to come inspect the flooring of whatever abode you choose to move into. ;-)
robstoutrobstout on October 1st, 2010 11:27 pm (UTC)
You gotta do what's right for you. It's a big step.

Miss Katzarhooie on October 2nd, 2010 03:41 pm (UTC)
Love love love. <3
grnjenny / Jennifer Carlsongrnjenny on October 4th, 2010 01:12 am (UTC)
Oh! Golly.

Well, !!

Hey, I totally understand about the house thing. I put my Mpls house on the market the same day that I got my copy of the signed divorce papers. I loved that place, but it was the house we'd bought for making a life together.

If you need any help "staging" for an Open House, let me know - I must have done something right, because my house sold very quickly. (bake something. really.)
No longer in Normalhbevert on October 7th, 2010 05:15 pm (UTC)
Pats on the back to you for having self-awareness and self-love enough to go ahead and make big changes instead of holding still and eventually being very unhappy.
ego_id_non_feciego_id_non_feci on October 21st, 2010 03:22 am (UTC)
I'm sorry I've been so wrapped up in my personal stuff- I wasn't checking LJ, and while I could tell on FB that things weren't 100%, I wasn't aware of the depth of the waters. How can I help?
eithni: sorroweithni on October 21st, 2010 07:03 am (UTC)
These are not really fixable things. I'll slog through and hope that's good enough.