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03 September 2012 @ 02:15 am
Disquiet  

There's no real content here - just trying to get the mental churning out BEFORE wasting half the night tossing and turning...


Hmmm. I'm not really sure what to say. Life is very odd right now. My sister, who has lived states away for years recently moved to Madison, which means I have been seeing her often and getting regular access to the niblings. This is delightful and frustrating in roughly equal measures. It has also seriously impacted my dynamic with my mother and my father, also with somewhat mixed results. I have several people from my past who have circled around back into it, which has been pleasant and fun, but also sort of complicated. It has also made the loss of other old friends, either absolute loss or a less cordial acquaintance, felt more keenly. Friends are getting married, friends are gettting divorced, my friend who had been my boyfriend is now again simply a dear friend, and old friends who had wished they were more than that and friends thatI'd wished to be more than that once upon a time have been putting in appearances that leave me off-center. Friends are having babies, friends are having issues with kids, I'm trying to help with the raising/razing of my village, friends are sending their babies off to college and facing life for themselves. I'm looking forward to India and those adventures, but have not been able to connect with my local contacts, leaving all my plans nebulous and uncertain. I've also been discussing old times near Garenin in Scotland and acheing for that heart-home I've not see in in years. I have events to go to, events to plan, and the preparations for a long absence - a lot of immediately prospective work that doesn't always leave a lot of time for long-range planning, which might be useful for sorting out where my life is going, given all these new parameters. There are a lot of demands on my time, but exhaustion and uncertainty are making me lack focus. Work is... well work is pretty purely hell... I suppose I can see the blessing in that there is one area of my life with an absolute.

I'm very glad that I have tomorrow off - I need a day of trying to sort things out. Sadly, it will just be the mundane things of shopping and laundry and such, but progress is progress. I spent a few hours earlier this week just trying to sort out my calendar for the next few months and getting that into shape made me feel so much more focused, I can hope that the organization of household chores will have similar benefits.

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