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20 January 2013 @ 10:08 pm
Someday I won't be an exceptionally stupid and weak woman...  
Today was not that day. 
Erin: booze and boyskaige_of_ct on January 21st, 2013 04:25 am (UTC)
We all have moments of weakness. That makes you human. Not stupid.
eithni: ?!?!?!?eithni on January 21st, 2013 06:23 am (UTC)
JinglyMushroomjinglymushroom on January 21st, 2013 04:27 am (UTC)
Hopefully, someday, I will be joining you in not being an exceptionally stupid and weak person.

From all I've seen and can see, though, you already reached and surpassed that threshold. I don't know what happened, perhaps sometimes you slip back just to see what it's like on the other side? Only to find out you like it more in that very intelligent, strong, and capable realm?

I'm sorry you feel this way tonight. Hope you buoy back out of it soon!
eithni: ?!?!?!?eithni on January 21st, 2013 06:22 am (UTC)
:P You're not exactly the poster child for stupid or weak either, Mushroom. You make choices I would not and I am sometimes concerned for you, but neither is it my life to live. Know I'm ALWAYS here for you, though.

You make a good point, though, in that I need to look at it as a temporary lapse, not a permanent state. Must work on that.
JinglyMushroomjinglymushroom on January 21st, 2013 09:42 am (UTC)
I thank you for your always very generous appraisal of me and I am grateful for your generosity in general, as well, but would like to point attention to the "either"... Some part of you knows you're strong, intelligent, and capable.

Would it help to give yourself a goal to accomplish as proof that you're capable and intelligent?

Hey Eithni, were you intelligent and capable when you made your TA throw your final project into the emergency incinerator?
Wait, who came up with a magic veil stitch again?
Something about teaching people stuff? And making your mind work through a rejected formulary until it is accepted even though you worked your rear end off and the brainz were ready to leak out the ears a number of rejections prior? Who finds the strength to go into a stressful job and achieve its goals despite growing workload because she is concerned for what would (1) happen to people if she left and (2) happen without someone with comparable capabilities? (Okay, that last one makes it sound potentially haughty, but it's not meant to be at all -- it's just an honest appraisal of the situation: not everyone has what it takes.)

Hey, Eithni? Tell me about that time you did something and it filled you up to brimming with happy and you felt strong and intelligent? Tell me a story, please?
world_rim_walke: Cuteworld_rim_walke on January 21st, 2013 11:16 pm (UTC)
What this very wise mushroom said.
eithni: greeneithni on January 25th, 2013 08:13 am (UTC)
Well, I didn't make her incinerate the project - that was just her solution.

The veil stitch has been around for some time, apparently, I just re-discovered it, like Columbus after Eriksson.

And work... well, maybe that argument would be more compelling if I wasn't at the point where I considered it a win every time I left the building without setting it on fire. :P

But thanks for the words of encouragement. I'll try to think up a story, though...
jtdiii: Biojtdiii on January 21st, 2013 05:10 am (UTC)
If I was to choose two words to describe you, neither of those would fit...

eithni: ?!?!?!?eithni on January 21st, 2013 06:20 am (UTC)
Depends on the day. I have Skillz.
jtdiii: Biojtdiii on January 21st, 2013 06:41 am (UTC)
Even on your off days... :)
diceadicea on January 21st, 2013 01:53 pm (UTC)
On strong days you have strength.
On weak days you have friends.

The ability and the willingness to express how weak you are feeling is, in itself, a great strength.

Thank you for sharing with us how you are really feeling and for not glossing it over or trying to fake it.

eithni: darkladyeithni on January 25th, 2013 08:15 am (UTC)
I have facebook for happy blatherings, the real content (good, bad, or indifferent) still stays here. Sometimes I lock the icky posts, but I do think it is important that they get out, one way or another. That they get out in a supportive environment is very helpful. Thank you.
Gwynethgwyneth1362 on January 21st, 2013 04:14 pm (UTC)
Okay, I never think of you as exceptionally weak and stupid. You are exactly as weak as I am - and as most of us functioning adults are. You are exceptionally smart, not stupid - you just occasionally make choices that you rethink. Stop kicking yourself. Now.
eithni: darkladyeithni on January 25th, 2013 08:16 am (UTC)
See, I am REALLY GOOD at kicking myself. IF I were as good at Life as I am at Kicking Myself, this would be a cakewalk. :P

I miss you.
Aaron (Rusty) Lloydrustmon on January 21st, 2013 06:49 pm (UTC)
DameJ: Moaidamej on January 22nd, 2013 12:40 am (UTC)
So you missed the mark yesterday. Try again today (or tomorrow). Practice makes perfect.
eithni: darkladyeithni on January 25th, 2013 08:17 am (UTC)
Yeah... I just keep thinking that after 30-odd years I'd get the hang of this. :P
whymcwhymc on January 22nd, 2013 02:02 am (UTC)
You are neither of those things! (Well, technically you are one of those three things).
eithni: Yummy!eithni on January 25th, 2013 08:18 am (UTC)
Woo Hoo! At least I scored two X's in the genetic roulette! :P
Albredaalbreda on January 22nd, 2013 06:39 pm (UTC)
Sometimes we are only able to get to where we can even HAVE regrets by filling some need by being weak and stupid to begin with.

In short, take whatever positive whatever it is brought you, don't worry about the rest, and move on. :)
eithni: darkladyeithni on January 25th, 2013 08:20 am (UTC)
Thanks. It was a particularly dark and dour week... I just need to find better ways of meeting needs that don't create as many problems as they solve.
Albredaalbreda on January 25th, 2013 12:39 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I hear that one! (Seems to be a running theme.)

Happy early birthday, Eithni; may your next year get your needs met, and progress made, in a happy and healthy way!